牛牛资源

Women are using Mumsnet to swap advice on dealing with financial inequality and men who do not pay their fair share.

The finding comes from a 牛牛资源 and University of Birmingham study that analysed four months鈥� worth of discussion threads on the Mumsnet website, with titles such as 鈥業s he tight or am I just a princess?鈥� and 鈥業s he tight or am I expecting too much?鈥�.

The discussions, each including as many as 681 responses, showed women openly discussing men鈥檚 financial behaviour and what it was reasonable to expect financially from male partners. The research revealed that in Mumsnet women found a supportive online community where they felt comfortable sharing details of money-related relationship issues and giving practical advice on how to resolve them.

Commenters did not shy away from calling out what they regarded as unacceptable behaviour, labelling a man reluctant to pay his share of the bills a 鈥榗ocklodger鈥� (a term borrowed from the comic Viz) and one who would rather spend money on himself than his partner a 鈥榤anchild鈥�. Advice on dealing with this behaviour ranged from 鈥榗huck him out鈥� and 鈥榤ake him step up鈥� to tips on how to sit down with a male partner and have a constructive discussion about money.

The discussions also touched on serious issues such as financial abuse, where partners withhold financial information and access to bank accounts. The study found that contributors to Mumsnet were unafraid to name such controlling behaviour and identify it as a form of domestic abuse.

Dr Liz Moor, study author and Senior Lecturer in Media and Communications at 牛牛资源, said: 鈥淲omen might be too embarrassed to discuss relationship money troubles with family and friends but sites like Mumsnet provide them with online communities where they can get frank advice from strangers on what they see as an unfair financial situation.鈥�

Dr Shireen Kanji, study author and Reader in Work and Organisation at the University of Birmingham, said: 鈥淭he anonymity online communities offer means that people are more likely to be honest and less likely to feel judged than if they were talking to someone face-to-face. Our research shows how people want to understand social norms at a time when the context of families and relationships is changing and go on to use these understandings in their negotiations with partners.鈥�

Examples of Mumsnet discussions from the study:

In the thread 鈥業s he tight or am I expecting too much?鈥� a woman reported that since her maternity pay has come to an end she is dependent on her partner鈥檚 earnings and only gets an 鈥榓llowance鈥� for groceries, travel and 鈥榯he odd new toy or outfit鈥� for her child and feels 鈥榲ery controlled鈥�. Respondents were generally sympathetic (鈥業 don鈥檛 think this is fair at all鈥�) and suggested she should 鈥榗harge him an hourly rate鈥� for childcare and domestic work. However, they also highlighted her responsibilities: 鈥業 find it pretty inconceivable (yes, pun intended) that grown women can have sex with a man, live with him, have a child with him yet not have a basic discussion about how to manage joint finances.鈥�

One woman who had been married for 20 years asked 鈥業s my husband controlling me?鈥�. While she said she otherwise had a happy marriage her husband controlled the finances so that, despite them both working, she did not see bills or have access to online bank accounts. Respondents described this as a kind of emotional abuse and linked to resources from the domestic abuse charity Women鈥檚 Aid.

In one thread a woman described her partner鈥檚 debts and reluctance to pay his share of the bills. One respondent said: 鈥楾he man is a classic cocklodger: he thinks he is entitled to spend his money on himself and be supported by you. Chuck him out鈥︹��

In another thread a woman who earned more than her male partner and often paid for things worried their relationship could never be 鈥榥ormal鈥�. One respondent suggested the problem was not that she was out-earning her partner but that she was doing all the 鈥榳ifework鈥� too: 鈥楽o, you work full time, pay most of the bills, do most of the cooking and cleaning, organising the house/holidays/social life. You've got yourself something aptly called a cocklodger. A very expensive one at that.鈥�

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