牛牛资源

Stef Newton is a writer and figure skater. She was born in post-communist Romania and makes obscure jokes about the Russian Social-Democratic Labour Party, circa 1904. By 2018, if everything goes according to plan, she will have graduated from 牛牛资源 three times. She is also training to qualify as a psychotherapist. No, she can鈥檛 read your mind. No, it鈥檚 not cute or quirky when you ask.
Contact: en201sr [at] gold [dot] ac.uk

Reform

 

Chapter 12: Confetti

When her name is finally read out, Avi鈥檚 victory comes as a surprise to Judith. She makes eye contact with Price, who frowns as though confused and then looks away quickly. The applause of the crowd is not scattered and awkward, but immediate and confident. Judith can sense the energy in the room. The skin on the back of her neck tingles, like lying down on the grass in Iowa. Quite a few people have been expecting this election result, with the notable exceptions of the Reform Party leadership clique and probably Avi J盲ns herself. The now former RP leader stands quite stunned, as though she does not remember how to clap or cannot bring herself to do it.

鈥楩arrah,鈥� Price says, nudging her. 

鈥榃hat,鈥� she scowls and pulls her arm as far away from him as possible. Her clapping is a small frantic movement, like the flutter of wings from a dying moth. 

Judith looks at Farrah. For a couple of seconds, the moment appears to be stuck on a loop, and she feels detached from it somehow. Then she remembers to do her job, and tweets the results of the leadership race from the RP鈥檚 official account. @RP_UK JUST ANNOUNCED: Avigail J盲ns is the new Leader of the Reform Party #RPleadership. She watches as retweets and favourites start pouring in, from celebrities and regular users alike. Although she has written and sent the tweet, she almost finds it hard to believe that she has not fallen into some alternate reality. @RP_UK Congratulations to our new Leader @RP_AJ and re-elected Deputy Leader @jprice #RPleadership.

Avi is ushered onto the stage and has a microphone shoved into her hand, and although she smiles graciously at the people she passes on her way, she seems quite tense. Judith smiles. A balloon full of confetti is broken, and small circles of shiny paper descend upon the main hall, getting stuck in people鈥檚 hair and the collars of their shirts. A small metallic blue square lands on Judith鈥檚 phone, momentarily obscuring the tweet she is working on. @RP_UK Results of Reform leadership election 鈥� won in first round by Avigail J盲ns. Avigail J盲ns 55.2% Farrah Kennedy 44.8%. Price brushes off a few stray bits of confetti from his suit, and then resumes clapping for Avi. 

鈥楩uck,鈥� he mutters through his teeth, so that others can't read the word on his lips. He has clearly not been expecting the outcome either, although Judith knows that he approves of it. He must be more surprised than anything else. Farrah ignores him, drinking from a glass of Prosecco which has been handed to her by someone in the Manchester delegation. Judith suspects that many more glasses are forthcoming, although she is pretty sure their hiring agreement explicitly forbids drinking in the hall. Not that Farrah cares. They watch the stage, where the new party leader stands behind the lectern, looking even smaller than usual. 

鈥楾hank you,鈥� Avi says, or at least that鈥檚 what Judith assumes. She is not able to hear Avi above the noise of people clapping, because her microphone isn't on. Avi fiddles with it, before one of the tech guys steps in to help. The crowd whoops, and Judith thinks she is the only one experiencing secondhand embarrassment from watching their struggle with technology. Everyone else is standing up, cheering, rejoicing. 鈥楥an you hear me?鈥� Avi says, and this part resonates throughout the room. 

There is a big cheer, which Judith feels like joining, but she imagines Farrah would not be very happy about it if she did. They also decide to stand, because many people in the front rows have chosen to do so, and it now obstructs their view of the stage. Besides, they remain some of the party鈥檚 key people, and they have an image to maintain, especially for newly re-elected Deputy Leader Price. He goes up on his tiptoes to watch Avi鈥檚 speech, even though he is tall enough to see comfortably.

鈥業鈥檇 like to start with a big thank you to all of you, up and down the country, who campaigned and voted in this election. Ten years ago, I went to my first RP conference in Sheffield. We held this in a lecture hall at Hallam University; there were about a hundred of us. I want to take this opportunity to thank the founders of our Party, those who took to the streets in the 60s to create a better society for those of us who came after them. When my grandfather Sebastian Lockwood and his comrades founded the Reform Party, they took turns meeting in each others鈥� houses,鈥� Avi says, and there is laughter from the audience. 鈥楲ook at us now, at our largest, and at our strongest. I want to also congratulate Jonathan Price on his re-election. Jonathan has been a committed Deputy Leader for the past five years, and I am pleased to be taking on this role alongside him.鈥�

鈥楤ullshit,鈥� Farrah mutters, chewing her fingernails and the sleeve of her cardigan. 

鈥楽hh,鈥� Price says. Although nobody actually pays them attention, they shouldn鈥檛 be making a scene. 

鈥業 have just been informed that the author of 50 Shades of Grey has joined the Party,鈥� Avi says with a bemused expression. There is laughter from the audience, and someone whistles loudly. 鈥業 cannot take any credit for this, as the news was posted online before the election results were announced, but I am wondering if some of you will be seeing her at your branch meetings this month.鈥� 

More laughter and applause. Farrah bounces from one foot to the other. The looks that Price gives her have stopped being enough to contain her annoyance, which radiates from her body like an aura. Judith has never been able to see auras herself, but she once had a classmate called Jess, who insisted she possessed this skill. She wonders whether, if Jess were here tonight, she would claim that Farrah鈥檚 aura is a deep dark colour 鈥� swamp green, maybe.

鈥業 would also like to thank my fellow leadership candidate Farrah Kennedy, for her absolute commitment and passion, and for her dedication to the Party for the past two years. Farrah鈥檚 determination to fight for a fair and equal society comes through in everything she has done and I am sure in everything she will choose to do in the future.鈥�

Judith and Price turn to look at Farrah, as do several delegates around them. Thankfully, she smiles and gives Avi a wave. If Judith can sense her absolute bitterness, it is probably because she has gotten to know her too well.

鈥榃e are seeing the biggest movement of resistance to the system as we know it, and it is a difficult moment for Britain. Our party has stepped in to provide an alternative to the bankrupt leadership we have in place today. Ordinary people are getting involved in fighting back against this bankrupt government, the government of the 1%.鈥� 

The sound of pictures being snapped fills the pauses in between Avi鈥檚 sentences. Journalists have been asked to refrain from using flash photography, but some do anyway. Judith imagines it must be quite uncomfortable, having blinding lights going off in your face every other second. One cannot predict where they might strike next, so Avi J盲ns is quite helpless to look away from them. Judith recalls what it was like to see the crowd of delegates from the stage during her brief election speech for the National Council, and she thinks about how different standing up there must be to someone who has just been elected leader.

It is more of a testament to Price鈥檚 glares that Farrah manages to stay in the room until the end of Avi鈥檚 speech, and even applauds for a few seconds afterwards. Looks don鈥檛 have the power to kill, and Farrah seems miffed about it. Judith cannot think of anything to say to her, or at least nothing that could guarantee a safe reaction. She doesn鈥檛 particularly fancy being the one to set her off tonight. 

鈥業 need a cigarette,鈥� Farrah announces when Avi begins to climb the steps down from the stage. She exits the hall along with an outpour of delegates, and a few photographers snap shots of her as she leaves. Price looks like he is praying that she doesn鈥檛 say anything to damage their reputation. Judith wonders, briefly, how things will change in the office after tonight.

鈥楽he actually did it, huh,鈥� Price says, once Farrah is out of sight. He leans in conspiratorially, as though he is afraid of being overheard stating the obvious too loudly. 

鈥業 know, who saw that coming?鈥� Judith says. 

鈥楴obody. The Tories are probably shitting themselves.鈥�

鈥楴ever mind the Tories, half our party will be shitting themselves.鈥� 

鈥楾hat's true.鈥�

鈥楩arrah okay out on her own?鈥� Judith asks.

鈥楽he's a big girl, she can handle losing an election.鈥�

鈥楾hat鈥檚鈥� yeah, not quite what I meant. It was more like, I hope she doesn鈥檛 actually speak to anyone. Especially the press,鈥� Judith says.

鈥楾hink we should go after her?鈥� 

鈥榊eah, maybe. Give it a few minutes.鈥� 

They watch Avi making her way through the crowd and shaking hands with everyone and their mother. Someone announces a fifteen-minute break before the closing plenary, but very few people are actually still listening. To most delegates here, this is the close of conference, and the beginning of a new era. Judith and Price look at each other. Price nods. They grab their coats and go looking for Farrah, as much for fresh air as for the purpose of damage control. 

The front of the building is packed with delegates, smoking and waving their arms at each other, ostentatiously discussing politics. There are a number of sour-faced people trying to flog socialist newspapers, and a light rain has started. They find Farrah in relatively good spirits, chatting away to a delegate from Leeds. By the looks of it, she has not yet gone on an angry rant about Avi and the election, but the night remains young. 

***

The first split from the Party happens at around 11pm. The statement of the new Reform Party (Marxist-Leninist) is posted on a WordPress site, which Judith scrolls through on her phone at the conference afterparty. 鈥業t is with sadness that we the undersigned note that the Party has been slowly moving away from the principles we have upheld for the past four decades,鈥� it begins. A brief scan of the list of these undersigned reveals that only two out of the thirty-five names belong to people who have actually been members for more than six months. 鈥榃e do not believe in compromising our tradition for the sake of electoral success,鈥� it continues. 

鈥楬ave you seen this?鈥� Judith says, passing her phone to Price, who also gives it a quick overview. He frowns. 

鈥榃e haven鈥檛 left the party, the party left us? For goodness鈥� sake,鈥� he mutters. 

鈥楩ucking idiots,鈥� Farrah shouts, reading over his shoulder. She is quite drunk by now, and is leaning against Jonathan out of either a poor sense of personal space, or literally for support. 

鈥楳cLeod, Harris, Fisher,鈥� Price reads the list of names. 鈥楴o one relevant,鈥� he declares. 

鈥楾hink lots of people are going to join them?鈥� Judith asks. 

鈥楴o. I鈥檓 more concerned who鈥檚 going to join us. Now that, well.鈥�

鈥楴ow that what?鈥� Farrah says, turning to him with a scowl on her face. He doesn鈥檛 say anything. 鈥楴ow that 蝉丑别鈥檚 leading the Party? You can fucking say it.鈥�

He tuts. Judith uses the moment to step away in order to update the RP Twitter account, and escape the scene that may or may not be in the process of unfolding. Farrah is prone to displays of more or less rational anger, and Judith doesn't want to be asked to weigh in. She thinks that Price is perfectly capable of taking one for the team.

Judith has been walking back and forth around the corner from the building when she receives a text from Avi. Come up on the roof, it reads. What? she replies. A few minutes later, Avi comes to get her, appearing seemingly out of nowhere behind one of the large stone pillars. They climb an outdoor fire exit stairway up to the roof. Judith feels slightly uneasy going up the stairs, as she can see the ground below them through the metal steps. 

鈥楢ren鈥檛 you supposed to be at your victory party?鈥� Judith says, having to struggle a little to keep up with Avi鈥檚 pace. 

鈥業鈥檓 taking a break,鈥� she replies, climbing the last two steps at once and stepping onto the roof. 鈥楲ook,鈥� she says, pointing down from the edge. 鈥楾his is where I saw you smoking from.鈥� 

鈥楬mm,鈥� Judith says, looking down but trying not to lean over too much. Truth be told, the view makes her feel sick, even though they are only about four stories up. She pulls out another cigarette, and offers the pack to Avi. 

Avi looks at it for a few moments, and then finally takes one. Her face is serious. She looks like she is contemplating it, and is slightly taken aback when Judith offers to light it for her, as though that part of the process had not crossed her mind. She allows Judith to light it, and then takes a drag. Her expression remains quite dark, and the air is heavy around them. 

鈥楧isgusting habit,鈥� she says, exhaling, and there is a small smile.

They watch delegates stepping outside the after party venue in order to either smoke, or chat to each other in small groups. It鈥檚 like having an overview of an ant colony in a glass box. Judith finds it amusing that they are being observed by the newly elected leader of the Party, whom they are most likely discussing amongst themselves at this very moment. Judith is not sure whether she should say something, or what to say if she does decide to speak. The more seconds go by, the harder it gets to break the silence. 

鈥楥ongratulations,鈥� she settles on. 

鈥楾hank you,鈥� Avi nods, raising her eyebrows. The air is cold, and their breath is visible alongside the smoke. 

鈥業 think you鈥檙e going to be Prime Minister,鈥� Judith says. 

Avi J盲ns tilts her head, studying her face. Her expression reminds Judith of someone trying to work out how severe their symptoms are by studying the doctor鈥檚 frown. 

鈥楾here鈥檚 a thought,鈥� Avi says. Judith smiles, recognising her line from one of their first real conversations. 

鈥業鈥檝e already got dozens of requests for you to speak at various meetings across the country. I think you should do a few of the big London ones this week, and we can hit Manchester, Sheffield, Liverpool and Newcastle by the end of the month. After that we should probably get you up to Scotland as well, and鈥撯��

鈥楯ude,鈥� she says, stubbing her cigarette out on the edge of the roof. 鈥榃e can think about it tomorrow.鈥� She leans against Judith鈥檚 shoulder, the cold faux leather of her jacket brushing against the skin on her neck. Judith leans her head against Avi鈥檚 slowly, tentatively. She tosses aside her own half-finished cigarette; it lands a few metres away, and begins to burn itself out. 

鈥極kay,鈥� Judith says, and it comes out as a half-whisper. The cold November air surrounds them, and in less than seven hours it will be time to think about whether Avi should wear a poppy for her public appearances or not. Her body is tense against Judith鈥檚, and they look out towards the buildings next to theirs or the people below. Judith notices that the sky is cloudy, and there are no stars to be seen. 

鈥榃here is Farrah?鈥� Avi says, after a while. 

鈥楧rowning her sorrows. I mean, literally.鈥� 

Avi actually laughs at this, and Judith can feel her body relaxing with the movement. She鈥檚 shaking now. Her head is bowed, and her hair obscures her features. 

鈥業鈥檓 not sure I want to be Prime Minister.鈥�

鈥榊eah, it鈥檚 terrifying. I鈥檓 sending the press release over first thing in the morning,鈥� Judith says. Avi nods, and shivers a little. 

Judith runs her hand down Avi鈥檚 back, and pulls her closer. Her jacket is cold, and Judith can feel the top of its pocket, slightly raised, like the head of a snake. She presses harder with her fingers, and feels Avi鈥檚 shoulders. Her frame is small and her bones protrude 鈥� Judith can feel them even with the material in the way. She would like to look at her, but Avi is busy staring directly ahead, and Judith is afraid that if she turns to face her it will make her run away. She imagines the multitude of journalists, delegates, and assorted weirdos downstairs, and realises that, in all fairness, for Avi J盲ns there is nowhere left to run.

鈥楬ashtag 鈥渟avvi鈥� is trending. Get it? Savvy? But with an 鈥渋鈥�,鈥� Judith says. 

鈥榊es, I get it,鈥� she says, shaking her head. 鈥楽ome people are just鈥︹��

鈥楬ilarious, is the word you鈥檙e looking for. Check this one: 鈥淎vi J盲ns can reform me any day of the week, amirite or amirite?鈥� Spelled r-i-t-e of course. Hashtag bae.鈥�

Avi buries her head in Judith鈥檚 shoulder. 

鈥極h my God,鈥� she mumbles.

Judith thinks about her and her subdued, business-like personality. For as long as she has known her, Avi has given off the impression that she has been holding back. On Twitter though, trending in London as of forty minutes ago and still going strong, teenagers and young people are declaring her some sort of sex symbol, and it appears to be provoking a feeling that Judith has never seen Avi express before: embarrassment. 

鈥業 think we should tweet 鈥淚 can鈥檛 even鈥� out from your account, hashtag RPleadership,鈥� Judith says. This gets Avi to finally look at her, if only to communicate exactly what she thinks of the idea. 

鈥楽hould we also go drink WKD and take selfies?鈥�

鈥楢ctually, now that you mention it,鈥� Judith says, but Avi鈥檚 smile has turned from quiet amusement to something else entirely. She is studying Judith鈥檚 face as though she were seeing it for the first time, and she cannot recall which famous actress she bears a resemblance to. She touches her left cheek with her thumb. They move closer to each other. 

鈥楴o,鈥� Avi says. 

鈥楴o?鈥� Judith repeats. 鈥榊ou鈥檙e the one getting all handsy.鈥�

鈥業 am sketching you in my mind,鈥� she says, leaning her forehead against Judith鈥檚. 

鈥楢re you in the picture?鈥�

鈥業 am behind the pencil.鈥�

鈥楧o people remember the artist or the work of art?鈥� Judith says.

鈥業t depends who you ask. Is the Mona Lisa more well known than da Vinci himself?鈥� 

鈥業 don鈥檛 want to be remembered,鈥� Judith says.

鈥業 don鈥檛 believe either of us gets to choose.鈥� 

鈥楨verything is made up of choices. Join the RP 鈥� choice. Work for the RP 鈥� choice. Put an 鈥淴鈥� next to your name on the ballot鈥撯��

There is a sharp intake of breath from Avi, and she moves away. The space she used to occupy is filled by cold air. 

鈥榊ou voted for me,鈥� she says. 

鈥楨veryone did. Hell, Price voted for you. None of us expected you to actually win it, but stranger things have happened. And it鈥檚 not like anyone is complaining.鈥� 

鈥楢part from those who have left the Party,鈥� she says. 鈥楯onathan voted for me?鈥�

鈥榃ho did you think made you VP in the first place?鈥�

Avi looks like she is struggling with what she is about to say, and is thinking about it carefully. 

鈥榃hy,鈥� is the only thing that comes out in the end. She says this is a small voice, quite uncharacteristic for her. 

鈥楩arrah is a liability,鈥� Judith says. 

鈥榊our partner Farrah?鈥�

Judith laughs, and it comes out very high pitched and unusually loud. She quickly puts her hands over her mouth, lest she be heard by the people downstairs. It is a ridiculous fear, of course. 

鈥榊eah, no,鈥� she says. 鈥楶lus, this may surprise you, but it鈥檚 actually about the politics, not who鈥檚 fucking who.鈥� 

鈥楧on鈥檛 they say the personal is political?鈥� Avi says, challenging. 

Judith wants to grab her by the hair and kiss her, and judging by Avi鈥檚 expression she is aware of this fact. She gets the impression that it is something they would both like to do, but only one of them is a potential new world leader who cannot afford a scandal. The realisation that she believes herself to be in love with Avi has been present for a while. She wonders whether someone who loves her truly should have given her that 鈥榅鈥� on the ballot paper, not that it counts for anything after the fact. Judith tries to move closer. Avi pauses for a long moment, then leans away. The sounds of traffic and drunken voices travel up from downstairs. 

鈥榃hen you鈥檙e Prime Minister, can I have a street named after me?鈥� Judith says. 

鈥業 believe you have to be dead for that,鈥� Avi says, in a whimsical tone, as though she is explaining something to a primary school child. 

鈥楤ollocks. Well, I鈥檓 working on it. Might be a few decades.鈥� 

鈥楾ake your time,鈥� Avi smiles. 鈥業鈥檓 afraid I must get back to my鈥� what was the word you used? My victory party.鈥�

Judith is slightly disappointed, but manages to laugh it off. 

鈥楥an I just say, you dragged me up here.鈥�

Avi tilts her head, as though to allow the comment. 

鈥楻ight, let鈥檚 go,鈥� Judith says, clapping her hands together. Avi jumps a little. 鈥楤e careful about getting back into the venue, I鈥檒l wait a bit before joining so we don鈥檛 end up with a scandal on our hands. I don鈥檛 want to be dealing with an excessive amount of press about you first thing in the morning, I鈥檝e had way too many of your victory drinks so far.鈥�

鈥楴oted,鈥� she says, and walks off. Judith watches her go. Avi does not turn around.