Reece Choules
Article
Reece is a contributor to Litro and The Culture Trip. His stories have previously been longlisted for the Fish Prize and the Aesthetica magazine creative writing competition, winning publication in their 2014 Anthology.
Email: reecechoules@hotmail.com
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A Lover Loves
Despite the early hour it was hot in streets busied with those trying to find places to be. Newspaper sellers in branded t-shirts offered headlines to the morning鈥檚 weary, ARMY MOVES ON WESTERN BORDER, as women kissed men, half in, half out, of military uniforms; in doorways, at bus stops, while getting into taxis.
鈥榊ou did tell them eight?鈥
Children stopped to stare at the classic car, red, convertible, until being pulled away by anxious mothers bemused at the absurdity of it parked in a poor part of town.
鈥業 don鈥檛 want to get stuck waiting at the checkpoint. We said eight. It鈥檚 quarter past.鈥
He pressed hard on the car horn, to hurry those waited on, to rouse her from the silence overbearing.
鈥楯ack please. Let鈥檚 have a nice day. For once.鈥
He turned his gaze from the young man loitering in the rear view mirror, to Anna, forlornly spread across the seat. She tilted her head to reveal green eyes disapproving. He pressed on the car horn again.
鈥楩or god sake.鈥
Sofia appeared, heavy hamper in hand, descending the twisted iron staircase of the dirty white building. Alberto followed with four small fishing rods, a six-pack of beer.
鈥楥ome on we said eight not half past.鈥
Anna got out of the car. She made her way towards Sofia. Taking the hamper in her right hand and placing the left on Sofia鈥檚 shoulder, she pulled her into an embrace, which they held while saying,
鈥楽orry we鈥檙e late.鈥
鈥楧on鈥檛 be silly. Everything ok?鈥
鈥極f course. You?鈥
鈥楳e? I鈥檓 alright, it鈥檚 him.鈥
Alberto nodded towards Jack. He raised the six-pack slightly, the fishing rods too.
鈥楶ut the rods in the back with the girls.鈥
Alberto nodded yes, and caught the eyes of two men smoking cigarettes in a stairwell across the street. One of them, an amputee supporting his broken balance on wooden crutches, spat in the direction of the car. The other, head and face heavily bandaged, laughed and muttered something behind his hand. Alberto felt ashamed. His freedom, the shirt on his back, the fishing rods and beers in hand, became heavy to his thinning frame. He wanted to say,
鈥楴o, my brothers, I am like you.鈥
Jack pushed hard on the car horn. Keeping it down to punctuate his insistence.
鈥楢lright, calm down darling, we鈥檙e coming.鈥
They set off down claustrophobic streets towards the town checkpoint. Where armed guards demanding to see papers, greeted cars full, with furniture strapped to roofs, while dogs on loose leashes barked, and soldiers not yet called into action smoked cigarettes and laughed at jokes shared.
Jack said, 鈥楬as everyone got their papers?鈥
A driver was ordered out of her car. Four soldiers began a routine search as she made her way to the side of the road.
鈥榊ou don鈥檛 think they鈥檒l search us do you darling?鈥
The driver handed papers to a greying senior officer, allowing a younger man, clipboard in hand, to proceed with the questioning.
鈥楾hey might.鈥
Anna straightened out her dress. In the papers she had seen a photo of a man face down in the cracked mud, a pool of blood joining the space between his head and a pair of heavy black boots. It said he had been a deserter. A draftee caught fleeing.
鈥榃hat do you think they asked her? Do you think鈥︹
鈥楬ow would I know Anna I鈥檓 sat right where you are?鈥
The car in front, occupied once more, was waved on. A soldier, wiping the sweat from his forehead with a handkerchief, waited for her departure then motioned Jack to the front of the queue.
鈥楧estination?鈥
鈥楯ust heading out to White Rock forest for a picnic.鈥
鈥楢 picnic?鈥
鈥榊es.鈥
鈥榃hite Rock鈥檚 nice this time of year.鈥
鈥業t is.鈥
The soldier looked at Anna, grinning awkwardly, at Sofia facing forward. In the car behind, a baby could be heard crying the weak cry of a new born.
鈥楯ust the four of you?鈥
鈥榊es.鈥
鈥楪oing on a picnic?鈥
鈥業s there a problem?鈥
The soldier took a small government stamped pad from his breast pocket. He took their names and addresses. Tore off the top piece of paper, timed and dated. Then handed it to Jack.
鈥楰eep hold of this, it will be requested when you return. From your picnic.鈥
The soldier waved them on.
For a long while after none of them spoke. They listened to the sound of the engine. They watched the world spread out, roads become wider, houses sparser, and slowly returned to roles assumed long before. When each of them had battled, through dinners, and drinks, to impress upon the others an image of themselves they had hoped to be. That routine was tired now though. The will to perform was weak.
鈥業t feels so good to be out of there,鈥 said Anna, as she reached up, spread her fingers wide, and fell back into the seat.
Sofia squeezed Alberto鈥檚 right shoulder. He looked in the wing mirror to find her blowing kisses. He smiled half-heartedly.
Anna said, 鈥極h I鈥檝e missed you, both of you. Let鈥檚 not leave it this long again.鈥
鈥榊ou鈥檙e never this happy to see me,鈥 said Jack.
鈥榊ou鈥檙e never gone long enough darling.鈥
鈥楳other鈥檚 always said it鈥檚 the money you love.鈥
Anna kicked at the back of Jack鈥檚 seat.
鈥楽he should know.鈥
Anna moved into the corner.
Sofia said, 鈥楧id Alberto tell you he鈥檚 having a new piece published?鈥
Sofia liked to hear Alberto鈥檚 written work as spoken words. In the right mood his voice alone could arouse her
鈥榊ou kept that quiet, it鈥檚 usually the first thing you say after hello.鈥
鈥楴othing鈥檚 confirmed.鈥
鈥業 thought you said you received the acceptance letter.鈥
Sofia liked to watch him pace the room, his hands gripping the paper. She would undress slowly in front of him. Then silently walk towards the bed.
鈥業 said I was waiting on one.鈥
鈥楬e鈥檚 waiting on one.鈥
鈥業 lose track of what you鈥檙e up to.鈥
鈥楬ow鈥檚 business Jack? Sofia said you鈥檇 had to lay workers off.鈥
Anna, seeking refuge from embarrassment in the open terrain, the slithers of green on thick burnt yellow, turned to face Sofia, who was already mouthing apologies. They took a right down a long stretch of road blanketed by dried out trees bent at obscure angles.
鈥榃e鈥檙e not laying them off; we鈥檙e losing them to the draft. In fact we just picked up two new contracts.鈥
鈥楻eally?鈥
鈥楾here wasn鈥檛 much competition. Most of the smaller firms are just trying to stay afloat.鈥
They turned right again, onto a dirt road, spreading thick grey dust in their wake. Anna, looking down at her wedding ring said,
鈥業 can鈥檛 think of anything worse than being drafted.鈥
鈥楽ometimes you have to give back Annabel.鈥
鈥楩eeling patriotic darling?鈥
鈥業 could be.鈥
鈥楽o think of those young boys, those husbands and fathers.鈥
鈥榃ell it鈥檚 not something you鈥檒l ever have to worry about is it?鈥
She thought about this. She said,
鈥楢nd what if you were drafted, or Alberto?鈥
Alberto looked in the wing mirror, at Sofia, eyes closed, the sun reflecting off her red hair. He turned his gaze to shadowed roads pierced by sunlight. He thought about the men in the stairwell, their ugly laughter, resentful. He tried to steady trembling hands, more bone than flesh, while remembering the number recently assigned. One. Nine. Eight. Six.
鈥楻ight, ladies and gent, here we are.鈥
Jack brought the car to a stop by a wooden gate. Rotting. Weathered. He stepped out on to the weed littered gravel. Took a packet of cigarettes from his shirt pocket, a lighter engraved, For Jack, On Your Birthday, Love Annabel, and smoked unhurried. He thought about saying something to Alberto, shifting his weight awkwardly from right foot to left, but it felt forced and he felt foolish, so he said,
鈥榃e ready then?鈥 as he stubbed out his cigarette.
鈥榊es darling, we鈥檙e waiting on you.鈥
鈥極k then girls and boy, lets go.鈥
At Jack鈥檚 set pace they walked below tall trees cracking fallen branches underfoot. Alberto watched Sofia with hamper on hip, while she talked work, and those war-torn territories once a world away. He had always loved how she walked, its rhythm, its sexuality. The hamper stunted this, so he fought to recall morning strolls for coffee and breakfast, when he stole glances at her from behind his newspaper, and imagined a life built around her, for her.
鈥楳ind your step ladies,鈥 said Jack.
鈥楾ell us again why you brought us here darling?鈥
鈥楢re you not always complaining about the smell or the heat or the noise?鈥
鈥業 complain about your smell darling. I complain about your noise.鈥
鈥業 apologise. There鈥檚 so much now its hard to tell.鈥
The thick forest scenery began to thin. The sound of water running over rocks soothed in its calm repetitiveness bodies tuned to the sounds of city life.
Jack said, 鈥楽o Alberto what鈥檚 this new article about?鈥
鈥榃hat?鈥
鈥楾he new article, the one we鈥檙e not sure has been accepted.鈥
鈥極h it鈥檚 nothing really.鈥
Jack laughed as he stepped over the root of a tree broken through fractured white rock.
鈥楢lberto you鈥檙e not trying to be modest?鈥
I guess it doesn鈥檛 hurt every now and then.鈥
They came out onto a large clearing where the water was shallow at a flat point of the river, and shade was ready if needs be, but not overbearing.
鈥楬ere we are then,鈥 said Jack, with arms stretched wide.
鈥楬ere?鈥
Anna put the small basket down beside her feet as Jack made his way toward the edge of the riverbank.
鈥業t was good enough for my father and me.鈥
On bended knee he reached into the cool water and rubbed cupped handfuls over his face and on the back of his neck. He waited for ripples to fade away. For his reflection, shadowed, fuller than expected, to reveal what once was.
Sofia said, 鈥業 think it鈥檚 nice.鈥
鈥楴ice?鈥
鈥業ts quiet, its out of the way.鈥
Anna sighed with hands on hips.
鈥楯ust ignore me.鈥
She took out a large folded blanket from the basket. Shook it free of dust and creases. Sofia took up the opposite end dragging along dry mud. They laid it out over the flattest bit of land. Anna slipped off her shoes, sat down, and said to Jack,
鈥楢re you going to come and open the wine then darling?鈥
But Jack was lost to memories of a summer years before. He was with his father and had just caught his first fish. Open mouthed on the riverbank, it stared vacantly up at them. Blood trickled from where the hook had pierced, down the glistening scales of its body. Moving in small bursts, as if still swimming, it hopelessly sought release.
鈥楯ack. Come and open the wine.鈥
He came and stood by Anna, already turning her back on him.
She said, 鈥業 took the wine from Jack鈥檚 father鈥檚 cellar. His mother adores it.鈥
鈥業 hope you asked them.鈥
鈥榃hat鈥檚 mine is yours darling?鈥
Alberto leaned the fishing rods in the wide jagged burrow of a tree long dead. He wedged the six-pack of beer between two rocks poking out of the river.
鈥業 mean it Anna.鈥
鈥極f course I did what do you take me for?鈥
鈥業t wasn鈥檛 so long ago that Mother threw you out.鈥
Alberto wiped his hands on his trousers. He walked up behind Sofia and put his arms around her waist, just as she said,
鈥榃hat?鈥
He kissed her on the back of the neck. She smiled and reached round to run her hand through his hair. He liked it when she did this. He liked it when she rested her head upon his chest. She would talk. He would listen. When the war is over we鈥檒l leave here. I鈥檒l go back to teaching. You can start your novel. All the while secretly hoping, her words, her being, would soak into his soul.
鈥業t鈥檚 nothing. Just Jack exaggerating.鈥
鈥業s that what I鈥檓 doing?鈥
鈥榊es. You鈥檙e trying to embarrass me.鈥
鈥楳e? Why?鈥
鈥榊ou鈥檙e not funny Jack.鈥
Alberto and Sofia sat down on the blanket. He stroked her arm, from shoulder to elbow, over tiny fair hairs and goose bumps.
鈥榊ou鈥檙e not cold?鈥
鈥楢 little.鈥
It never ceased to amaze him that whatever the condition of the weather, she felt the opposite. At first this had been annoying, her insistence on feeling life differently. He rubbed her arms with his hands. She lowered her smiling face into her chest, inviting him to come closer, to give himself to her and her alone, not the war or the next article, but hers, willingly, completely.
Jack said, 鈥楳aybe I鈥檒l have a beer.鈥
鈥楴ot with lunch.鈥
鈥楽o I鈥檒l skip the wine and have a beer later.鈥
鈥楯ust open it will you.鈥
Jack took the wine, red, from the basket. Patches of dust were visible on the glass exterior. He studied the label to confirm his doubts. This was not his mother鈥檚 favourite.
鈥楽o where are the glasses darling?鈥
鈥業n the basket Jack, look.鈥
He took out a thick white towel, wrapped tight. Unrolled it. Four crystal glasses lay out in a line, head to toe.
鈥楾hese are my mothers.鈥
鈥楯ust pour the wine will you.鈥
They shared conversations about senseless things, small changes in the weather, neighbours overly familiar, and when the sun began the slow descent from its highest point and all that was left was the to be avoided idealised politics of war, Jack stood up, brushed crumbs from cold sausage rolls and sandwiches on to the blanket, and said,
鈥榃ho鈥檚 for fishing then?鈥
Anna fanned her face with her hand. She pulled at the front of her dress.
鈥楥ount me out darling it鈥檚 too hot.鈥
鈥楽ofia?鈥
鈥楴o Jack, Sofia can keep me company.鈥
Anna topped up her and Sofia鈥檚 yet to be emptied wine glasses. Jack took off his shoes. Rolled the bottom of his trousers up over his knees.
鈥楲ooks like I鈥檓 spoken for then.鈥
鈥榃hat? You want to leave me too? Am I that much of a bore?鈥
鈥榃hat? Of course not.鈥
鈥楧on鈥檛 encourage her Sofia.鈥
Anna took a sip of her wine. Then said,
鈥榊ou can fish if you want to Sofia. Don鈥檛 let me keep you.鈥
鈥楧on鈥檛 be silly.鈥
鈥業 mean it. I don鈥檛 mind.鈥
鈥楢nna.鈥
Alberto, also bare footed, with trousers rolled up to his knees, waited with the fishing rods in hand. He looked up towards the blue sky, the blinding white-hot sun. Distant mountains peaked amongst thin summer clouds. He thought of heaven and everything it could be, but all that he could imagine was bound to the earth, to life, what beauty could it hold that he couldn鈥檛 already see.
鈥楥ome on Alberto let鈥檚 get out of here before she really gets going.鈥
鈥業 heard that.鈥
鈥榊ou were meant to.鈥
Alberto smiled at Sofia. She picked up her wine glass and raised it to him. He turned and headed for the riverbank. And she watched him and missed him even though she knew he was going to be right there.
鈥楬e seems quiet today,鈥 said Anna.
鈥楧oes he?鈥
鈥楬e鈥檚 looking ever so thin.鈥
鈥楬e hasn鈥檛 been sleeping.鈥
Anna brought her knees up beneath her chin, her arms around her legs.
鈥業 read yesterday that the rebels could be at the city within weeks.鈥
鈥業 wouldn鈥檛 believe everything you read in the papers.鈥
鈥楯ack says the same thing.鈥
Jack, feet in the river, watching dragonflies hover above the water, said,
鈥業 told you my father used to bring me here.鈥
Alberto took a sip of beer.
鈥楨very summer, without fail, of course he can鈥檛 now, but鈥ell鈥ts tradition.鈥
Alberto took another sip of beer. Laid his rod down at his side. He took out a packet of cigarettes from his trouser pocket.
鈥楽ince when?鈥
Alberto shrugged his shoulders.
鈥榊ou want one.鈥
鈥楽ure.鈥
Jack put his fishing rod down. He took a cigarette from the packet, placed it between lips still greasy. Alberto lit them. They took heavy puffs. Exhaled.
鈥楧oes Sofia know?鈥
Alberto kicked his feet slightly in the water.
鈥楢nna hates my smoking. I sometimes wonder if I do it to annoy her.鈥
鈥榊ou could give all your money away. I鈥檓 sure that would annoy her.鈥
鈥榊ou know I think she鈥檇 quite like it.鈥
Alberto took another puff on the cigarette.
鈥楽he admires Sofia. The way she lives. She wants something like that for herself.鈥
鈥榃e all need a purpose.鈥
On the blanket Sofia drank the last drops of wine left in her glass.
鈥楽o what was Jack on about earlier?鈥
鈥榃hen?鈥
鈥楬is mother.鈥
Anna pushed a left over crust around her plate.
鈥楩orget her.鈥
She snapped the crust between her fingers.
鈥楢nna? Come on.鈥
鈥榃hat?鈥
Sofia sat up.
鈥楾ell me what happened?鈥
鈥榃hen?鈥
鈥楯ack鈥檚 mother.鈥
鈥榊ou remember my wedding?鈥
A small affair, with very few of Anna鈥檚 friends and family in attendance. It rained heavily all day, ruining her dress. Her mother said this was a bad sign. Anna didn鈥檛 believe in signs.
鈥榊es.鈥
鈥楻emember Jack鈥檚 sister? Big girl, bad hair.鈥
鈥楢lways shouting everybody down.鈥
鈥業 threw a glass of wine over her.鈥
鈥榃hy?鈥
鈥業 don鈥檛 remember.鈥
鈥楽he must have said something.鈥
鈥楳aybe.鈥
Anna picked up the bottle of wine, poured them one final, half empty, glass. Her eyes welled with tears.
鈥楢nna. What鈥檚 wrong?鈥
Anna wiped her eyes. She shook her head. A soft smile spread across her face. In the paper she had seen a picture of a school reduced to rubble, chalky white, and by the smouldering frame of a burnt out bin, a single shoe remained unclaimed.
鈥業 honestly don鈥檛 know.鈥
On the embankment Alberto put his empty can down by his side. He took another one from the water. A bird flew overhead. He lit a cigarette. The bird landed on the thin branch of a tree in full bloom across the river.
鈥榊ou know, when I鈥檓 working on an important article, or editing the magazine, Sofia does everything.鈥
鈥榊eah? Pass me a beer.鈥
Alberto reached back into the water, took out a can and handed it to Jack.
鈥楾hanks.鈥
Alberto wiped his hands on his trousers.
鈥楽he cooks, cleans, does the shopping. Despite having worked all week herself.鈥
鈥楢nna just mopes about the house.鈥
Jack opened the can. Thick white froth oozed out, causing him to slurp it down before losing it over the edges.
鈥業 say to her you know you don鈥檛 have to do all this. Let me cook. Let me clean.鈥
鈥榃e like to go out for dinner, well, we liked to. We don鈥檛 much anymore.鈥
鈥楧o you know what she says?鈥
Jack wiped his mouth with his hand. He shook his head. No.
鈥楽he says, 鈥淎 lover loves鈥.鈥
鈥楢 lover loves?鈥
鈥楾hat鈥檚 what she says.鈥
Alberto puffed on the cigarette burnt to a looping stick of grey white ash. Jack knocked back a mouthful of beer. Scratched his right knee, his left elbow. The ash broke and fell. The bird flew away.
鈥楧o you think in times like this a lover can love?鈥
鈥業 don鈥檛 know. Why?鈥
Alberto stubbed out what remained of his cigarette. He picked up his fishing rod.
鈥楴o reason, just a thought I鈥檝e been having.鈥
鈥業 think about what might have been.鈥
鈥業f what?鈥
鈥業f I wasn鈥檛 Jack Warren. If I woke up in a different time, a different place.鈥
鈥榃ho knows, one day we might.鈥
Jack nodded. Drank. He picked up his fishing rod. Accustomed himself to silence. A silence Alberto filled with rootless thoughts of an imagined future, maybe lost, and a recent past romanticised and free of his souls restlessness. A baby held in arms, rocked gently to a lullaby softly sung. Blue eyes revealing happiness in a sun lit morning. That walk, rhythmic, sexual, down empty streets, over bullet hole ridden helmets, through blood and tears and lost limbs, to a coffin draped in the flag, lowered in the rain, by a headstone bearing the numbers One, Nine, Eight, Six.
鈥楽o did everyone have a nice time?鈥 said Jack.
They had made their way back to the car lazily sharing conversations that came in fragments, as the sun drifted out of view with the late afternoon shades of a blue sky being split by oranges and reds and purples moving in from the edges.
鈥榊es Jack, thank you for inviting us, it was a lovely idea.鈥
Anna, hidden behind the door to the carboot she was packing, began to cry. When she felt the tears run, she wanted to laugh. The ridiculousness of it, on a beautiful summers day.
鈥楴o worries, gets us out of the house doesn鈥檛 it Anna?鈥
She wiped her eyes, and the nostrils she felt were moist, roughly, with her hands.
鈥榃hat?鈥
She shut the boot of the car. Sofia turned to Alberto. Quiet. Thin.
鈥楴ever mind鈥, said Jack.
鈥楴o. What did you say?鈥
Alberto looked down at leather shoes scuffed and dirtied.
鈥業t doesn鈥檛 matter?鈥
鈥楾ell me what you said?鈥
鈥業 said its nice for us to get out of the house. To be with friends.鈥
鈥極h. Right. Yes.鈥
They drove back down the dirt road. The long stretch blanketed by dried out trees bent at obscure angles. They came up alongside a bus. Grey. Battered. The government insignia in the centre, beneath steel mesh covered windows. Alberto looked up at the faces of young men, blank, cold. He wanted to say to them,
鈥業 am like you brothers.鈥
He turned away. Soon he would be sat on a bus just like it, with the men and boys drafted. They would not look at each other, too distracted by their own self-pity. She would have read his latest article, WHY I SIGNED UP FOR THE WAR. She would have cried. She would have begged him to reconsider. She would have told him that she didn鈥檛 understand. That he didn鈥檛 have to do this. He didn鈥檛 have to fight. He would have held her. He would have kissed the back of her neck, and she would have said, 鈥榖ut a lover loves Alberto, a lover loves鈥.
鈥楽o did you catch any fish?鈥
鈥楴ot even close Sofia. My father reckons the numbers are dwindling.鈥
鈥楴ever mind. Another time.鈥
Sofia squeezed Alberto鈥檚 shoulder. He took her hand in his. He kissed it. He turned back to what was in front of him, still holding her hand, and said,
鈥榊es. Another time.鈥
